


Monster

by rowanwrites



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Angst, BEETLE DON'T READ, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Finale spoilers, I don't, I'm Sorry, M/M, POV Daniel Jacobi, Trans Daniel Jacobi, and a little bit after, daniel does tho, don't you miss kepler?, gotta love hurting your favourite character, jacobi during finale, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26994589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowanwrites/pseuds/rowanwrites
Summary: He was. Was a monster. Was the love of your life.Then he was gone.Daniel Jacobi misses his boyfriend. Another finale POV except this one is canon-compliant (daniel's trans but that should be canon).
Relationships: Daniel Jacobi/Warren Kepler
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Monster

You saw his bottle of scotch floating outside the station, a mockery of the first time it had happened. He was nowhere to be found. You’d checked. You checked again, and again, and again, but he was gone.

Hera confirmed it. Everyone knew, but you couldn’t let yourself believe it. He couldn’t be gone.

He was a monster. He was a monster, but so were you, and after Minkowski put a bullet through your best friend’s head he was all you had.

There you were, a monster sitting with a shell of a crew. The bad guys were gone. Except he was one of the bad guys.

You wondered idly if she would still be one of the bad guys if she had made it this far. It didn’t matter. You were the only one left.

You couldn’t sleep the whole way back. You weren’t used to sleeping without him beside you. You hadn’t been without him since you left for Wolf 359.

You tried to convince yourself not to mourn him. He wasn’t like Alana. He didn’t deserve any grief. He was a monster. But he was the one who held you through every nightmare, the one who let you cry until the shoulder of his favourite shirt was soaked through.

The Warren you knew was not a monster. After everything he did, the trail of carnage he left behind, you couldn’t think of him as the terrible person you knew he was. Everyone thought he was awful. Irredeemable.

Maybe he was. You couldn’t bring yourself to care when his lips found yours in the dark. If he was a monster, he forgot himself around you.

He was. Was a monster. Was the love of your life. Was willing to do anything for you.

Then he was gone. It was Rachel. Some sick irony that was. You knew he had wanted her gone since the moment they met. He finally managed it, albeit a few years too late. You knew he hadn’t sacrificed himself to rid the universe of her. He just fulfilled one of his long term goals, finally.

You hated her. She was dead, but you hated her more than you had ever hated anyone. Even yourself. You wished it was you who killed her, just to vent the anguish you felt. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt you as much if you had gotten vengeance.

There was no revenge to be had, no closure. He was gone and she was too, and so were you. Hurtling back to Earth in a sub-light arc, leaving behind your best friend and your lover and everything you cared about. There was nothing left for you, on Earth or in deep space.

The rest of the crew didn’t notice anything was wrong. You had long since mastered the art of flippancy, so that nobody noticed that you were literally falling apart.

Anyway, they were their own family, and you weren’t a part of it. Minkowski was injured, and Eiffel was gone mentally. Nobody paid much attention to Pryce, save for Hera. They were getting along, surprisingly. Lovelace was there too, although she was exhausted.

You all were. They called you a hero for saving them. Doug had no idea what to do. Lovelace and Minkowski both passed out from their battle wounds, and Hera wasn’t able to help as much as needed. You had Doug carry Minkowski, since she was much shorter than Lovelace. He nearly passed out from the amount of Minkowski’s blood that got on him.

He was fine now, as a shell of the man whose body he inhabited. Everyone was fine. You were fine to everyone else.

You didn’t break down when alone. You couldn’t afford the emotional toll of allowing yourself to feel anything. Plus, Hera would have seen you.

You compartmentalized, the same way you had been taught when you were recruited. Think about it when you have time. You’ll never have time. Lock it away in the recesses of your mind and never acknowledge it again. You did it with Alana, why couldn’t you do it with him? You could, and you had to.

You were going to be a functioning member of society without either of them. There were no job opportunities for a monster.

At night you ached. You slept anyway. In the day you longed. You worked anyway. You missed his voice while talking. You made your sarcastic jokes all the same. The only person who could have noticed was Lovelace, and if she did she didn’t mention it.

You and her could have been friends. You got along decently on the station, for a bad guy and a good guy. You wished that you could call her a friend. She had her friends.

Still, when she invited you to share an apartment with her, you thought that maybe she considered you one of her friends. You declined. You wouldn’t be sharing a living space with anyone else. Never again.

You finally got to your apartment. It should have been home. It was just another dingy apartment in the middle of a filthy city. It wasn’t the same without him.

You traced your scars in the mirror, remembering how he had paid for your surgery in full. No strings attached. He just wanted you to be happy.

Finally, the tears came. No Hera, no Alana, no crew. No Warren. Nobody to hear you sobbing into the mug he got you on the second anniversary.

This time you were the monster. The mug shattered on the floor. You stared at your empty hand, disinterested.

The mug was followed by everything he had ever bought you. You scrubbed him out of your life, one tacky souvenir and one photograph at a time. Warren Kepler didn’t mean anything to you. He was just another dead Goddard Futuristics goon.

You cursed yourself for insulting him. He was a monster. A monster who had once employed you. He was dead now, so you found a new job.

It wasn’t hard to move on. Push it down. Compartmentalize. He was gone. You were Daniel, just Daniel.

You never went by your last name again, and you found that you didn’t buy a lot of hard liquor anymore. Something about the bottle, maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> if you mix kepcobi with the large amounts of trauma that these folks have experienced, you get a very numb jacobi
> 
> I'm so very sorry that i keep hurting jacobi someday i'll stop i promise


End file.
